To You Jesus.

So the last 5 days have been so incredible. I have felt this amazing presence of the holy spirit just surrounding me and filling me like I never have...there is like this constant excitement in my spirit.....its overwhelming....its a peace and joy beyond explanation. I have to praise my Jesus....he is so good, he is my healer, my hope, my joy, my bestfriend, he gives me life, he gives me strength.

Father,

I am so in awe of you and what I do know of you...there is so much I don't know and that I cannot even fathom. I cannot fathom your greatness, you are so much more than perfect and amazing and fullfilling. Thank you for seeing me, thank you for hearing me, thank you for seeking me out, for calling me out, for protecting me, for holding me, for dieing for me, for rescuing me. Father, protect my heart from evil...don't leave me....always stay close to me Jesus. Let me never be proud, God I have nothing to boast or be proud about except that I have you as my God! I will proclaim to the nations your great love, the hope I have found in you, the peace that you give me...I am so in love with you. Lord if you will make a way I will declare your greatness to thousands...I will sing songs filled with your healing power that turns this generation to you and generations to come. Lord, I want to be your humble servant...there is nothing NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING I want more than to know you and make you known. You have blessed me and saved me, and I am forever yours and I am forever greatful. I will serve you all the days of my life with gladness in my heart. I am nothing without you, you are my fullfillment and my success...you are my reason and my dream. I need you more than the air you let me breathe. Father, help me to be more disciplined. I want to know you in your deepest parts. I want to know more about you, Lord grace me with the capability to understand you more. I am obssesed with you, I am needy for you, I am vulnerable for you, I am desperate for you, I am weak for you, I am dependant on you, I am one with you. Jesus your name is so sweet, your name is really like honey on my lips...it is a name I will say all the days of my life...I love to say your name. Thank you for helping me to kind of understand just how big you are and how little I am....and thank you for being in love with me, even though I am just ONE of BILLIONS! Wow...how do you do it? Will you help me to love more like you? Jesus, if I could love like you people would be changed forever. Would you teach me your ways? I don't want anything but you and your ways.......oh Lord! I can barely contain the joy and fire that consumes and fills me when I think about you! I am wholly and completely yours...I could write forever about all your greatness, I could keep trying to express my great love and desire for you but my vocabulary is so limited...thank you for blessing me with tounges...when I run out of my own words, you fill me so I can keep praising you with other words. I love you, I want to please you and bring you pleasure...I want to keep singing you songs forever. Father, would you give me new songs? Would you teach me to play the piano better for you? I dont want any credit, but God I don't want to be limited in my praises to you in any way....oh Jesus, you deserve a choir of millions, an orchestra of every beautiful and amazing instrunment...are you pleased with my one voice? With my one instrunment? Does it please you? Do you love when I sing to you?...You are so good...never let me go father, please.....I will hold onto you always, keep me father...never let me go astray. Stay with me always, I cannot be without you....I would die without you, you are my value...you are everything to me, my reason in living. Thank you a million trillion quadrillion times. I love you so much.

Your daughter and servant forever,
Jamie

What We Do Today, Echoes in Eternity"

Im just thinking about a few words that were spoken over me a long time ago...probably 10 years ago. The first went something like this..."Jamie, you're roots go deep...you are like a tree that continuosly produces fruit...many generations that come from you, will benefit and live from the fruit of your life." Im not sure exactly what this means. I know that I constantly pray for my future children and pray that Pete and I can be part of an awesome legacy of on fire loving and giving Jesus followers that lasts for many generations. It is a great desire of mine, that we will be able to pass a wealth of wisdom and passion and love and provision to our children. "What we do today, echoes in Eternity." Everyday is an opportunity. God open my eyes, give me your eyes so that I can see what you see...Lord, give me your ears, so that I can hear what you hear...Jesus, give me your heart, so that I can feel what you feel....I want to live my life differently, completely lead by the holy spirit, I want to be a revolutionary!

The other word spoken over me a while ago went something like this, " When you worship and lift your voice, and raise your hands...I saw that you were painting pictures in the spiritual realm...beautiful tapestry's. I also saw you in a flowing dress, and the words that flowed from your mouth brought healing and change to peoples lives." So what's cool is three Sunday's ago, the lead guitarist caught up with me and said, "Jamie! when you were worshipping I looked at you and you were wearing a big flowing dress, and Dylan (the drummer) saw the same thing!" and then...this last Sunday, while I was worshipping I was closing my eyes and as I was moving my hands I saw that they were brushing against flowing white gown-like cloth...and I felt like it was angels around me worshipping and protecting me. Its hard to explain...but it was amazing. I have been experiencing God in some very cool ways lately. I've been praying that he opens my spiritual eyes. I want to walk into a market and know what someone is dealing with so that I can pray for them.  I want to live heaven now. 

A great lack.

Just thinking about how much I need to grow in love. I guess the closer I grow to Christ, the more I will love. I feel like sometimes I can be in a room full of people and God will show me things about a lot of them and my heart feels like its going to explode with love and I am overcome with joy and tears. Then...there's other times. These other times, its hard for me to love anyone even the easy ones to love... I think these other times are a reflection of the selfishness I battle everyday. Unless I sacrifice and lay down my own wants and unless I myself submit to his perfect love and allow him to fill me daily, I won't have love to give. I guess its nothing I can do with my own strength...I can only REALLY love people passionately and unconditionally by the power of Christ in me. Im so incompetent, so imperfect, so lacking...and he is so the opposite of all that. He is my strength in weakness, my only hope, and my reason for everything.

Me= complicated, God= simple.

My heart and greatest desire is to see people completely transformed and healed...so that they can know God's unchanging and unconditional love and mercy. It is not only my cry every day to Jesus that I be used as his instrunment, but it is my calling. God has given me so much grace to be where I am at in life. One thing that I don't deserve at all for a number of reasons is the opportunity I have to lead people into worship at The Stirring. The greatest reason is that I know there are probably so many people that are WAY more gifted vocally than I..(I'm pretty sure if I took vocal lessons the teacher would go on about how Im doing everything wrong) but I know without doubt God has me leading for a reason. This last week my heart has been burning for revival in the youth of The Stirring community, for people to really experience freedom, and I've been asking God to use me and flow through me that people would feel him and know him and desire intimacy with him. My cry has been something like this... "What can I do that you would move through me God? What do you want to say to these people? How can I hear you better? How can I reflect you better? When will you heal the sick? What has to happen that you will heal the sick and broken hearted? Speak and sing through me! Use me! My heart aches for people to be free!!" Recently as I was praying these things in my secret place with Jesus, my favorite place to be intimate with him (everyone should have a place, its awesome)...he said "Jamie, I am completely holy, I am completely pure" and I said, "yeah I know, you're awesome Lord!"...and he said, "If I'm going to speak through you and sing through you, my everyword...your mouth and your heart must be completely pure." Even now I want to cry because he is so good...so clear, so simple, so profound...I make everything complicated and lame. I am longing for him to purify me completely, I want to be made holy so that he can move through me in great power. Not only do I need to be purified but I need to be made completely humble...if the Holy Spirit is going to move through me in power he must get all glory and all praise, I don't want an ounce of glory, I don't want an ounce of recognition, I don't want any pride at all. Its awesome that one of God's promises is that he is never finished working on us. I am growing and changing everyday...every day Jesus is changing me. I once had a vision I was in a work shop on like a carpenters table and Jesus was doing surgery on me, fixing things replacing things, changing me. I realize that for me to walk in Jesus ways and be holy as he is holy...I have to go into his shop EVERY SINGLE DAY! I am lost and gross and wretched and wicked without him...everyday I have to surrender my whole entire self to him. I am desperate for him, lifeless without him. 

JESUS! YOU ARE AWESOME! I love you, there is nothing I want more than you, I am wholly and completely yours...take over every single part of who I am...take me over...I love you.